The Sound of Grief

Let me first apologize for the delay in posting. The last 13 days have been challenging; the last 5 especially challenging. I knew coming here there would be tough days. This is true any time I leave my comfort zone. As much as I hate to admit it, I really like having routine in my life. That's one of the reasons I do what I do: to force myself out my comfort zone--to be challenged. And challenged I have been.

As I sit here trying to write, I am at a loss on how to start. One of the main tasks I was supposed to be accomplishing was holding nursing conferences (lectures & training sessions). I have been here close to one month now, and none of the sessions have been held. I have been delayed for the last 3 weeks for a variety of reasons--some valid, some not so much. I am prayerful that it will actually happen this week.

Prior to my coming, I was under the impression that most people here understood that lack of quality nursing care was a major contributor to patient morbidity and mortality. I still think the administrators, physicians, and some of the nurses understand this. However, there are so many complex factors at play here, training is often the first thing swept aside. It seems training is quick to be postponed, but special meetings are held to "redistribute" staff almost weekly. But all of this is really just a minor annoyance. One of those reported complications of working internationally, and not what has really been weighing me down.

After being here for some time, I began to realize that it wasn't if a patient would die while I was here, but when. "When" has arrived. . . twice in 36hours. Certainly, death is something I deal on a somewhat regular basis in my line of work. And, since I have been doing this type of mission work, I have yet to leave the country without someone dying. The situations have all been vastly different, but death is the end result. I would take it personally, except I know I don't have control of this.

We've probably all heard about people in "other" countries dying because they couldn't get the help and treatment they needed. It's one thing to know this and quite another to be smacked in the face by it. On last Wednesday, I realized that one of the patients (a gentleman) needed a general surgery consult to investigate a GI bleed. The cardiac surgeon agreed and the request was made. The gentleman died on Saturday morning still waiting to be seen by the general surgeon. To say the least I was horrified and heartbroken. He'd had a stroke following his heart surgery at the beginning of June. I held his hand during painful procedures, while he was bathed him, and when he cried out in pain. I was right there. Everyone knew what needed to be done. The resources are available in Suly, it just didn't get done. And he died because of it.

I'm sorry this post is such a downer. The bedside teaching is going pretty well. Many of the nurses have started asking me questions about patients and care; :that is encouraging. Even if the lectures never happen, some of them have taken initiative and seeking out the information. As I write this, the question of proper translation for tomorrow's conference loombs. Please be in prayer for this.

I want to end this post on a high note. So, here is an adorable child I met the other evening while I was waiting for my driver. Isn't he so cute?!